hey, we’re getting somewhere

October 15, 2009 in Binge eating - my story, Fighting the battle
Tags: binge eating, getting help, insights, moving on, trying to get help

I’ve had two appointments now, with the clinical psychologist. Nice guy. And he listens. Properly listens. First time, I wasn’t so sure, it was all about triggers, and what it’s like to have a binge. But yesterday we got down to the nitty gritty.

See, as a result of conversations with myself and R. I had begun to realise that the B.E.D. is something left over from childhood. An inappropriate response to something that isn’t even there now. As a child I was bored and lonely. A lot. I’m neither of those things now. When I was a child I sought comfort in illicit, or secret eating. Even then, it didn’t work. But it was all I could do and I did it as often as I could. In my head it became ‘comfort’ (even though it wasn’t). It became the thing to do whenever I was on my own (which, when I was a child, was when I was the MOST bored). So now, I do it when I’m on my own, even though boredom isn’t really an issue in my life. What’s more I PLAN to be on my own just so’s I can do it. And actually set myself up in intellectually non-stimulating situations (trashy mags and telly), which do indeed create boredom. So, I kind of knew that, but it really helped articulating it to Dr M.

I also felt great compassion for that sad lonely little girl, undoubtedly loved, but never/rarely hugged, rarely praised, rarely acknowledged.