Archive for the 'Secret eating' Category
It is so strange how I can be so very aware of my lack of awareness. I can be really, really THERE whilst I’m buying the vat of ice cream and the family-size bag of pretzels.Yet, if I was really there I would eschew them in favour of, well, nothing at all really, given that [...]
Hubby went away last week and he’ll be gone for a while. It was always going to be a testing time and two days ago I thought I’d failed the test, big time. I’ve had a few days of tricky evenings, but managed to hold onto some sense of control until Monday.
As is my usual [...]
It’s been a while, but today, this afternoon has got me right back in the saddle. Bingeing for my country. Starting well, with a bowl of sultanas, moving on to a lump of Brie and then, properly in the zone, into the freezer for a bag of scones, 10 mins warming them through and about [...]
It just creeps on me insidiously! How annoying, I hadn’t noticed that before. I’ve always thought that there was a trigger which, if I could identify it, I could work on and all would be well. Naive, you might think given I’ve been struggling with this for so long.
A lovely restful weekend away gave me [...]
Every time I think about going shopping, which is most days as we live near the town centre and like to buy fresh food daily, I find my brain trying to kick into, ‘what can I buy to munch’ mode. As in, what can I get that I can eat in private, then hide the [...]
In the past when I’ve tried to get the better of my eating disorder I’ve concentrated on ignoring the request that my mind is making. It’s been hard, but I’ve managed it occasionally, sometimes for months at a time.
Now feels different. I’m examining the request, getting to know it a bit.
I’ve mentioned already the mini-adrenaline [...]
I don’t binge every day. Well, sometimes I do, but mostly it is occasional, a few times a month. But, for extended periods, I keep the disorder of my eating ticking over nicely (not!) by doing a bit of low-key, but nevertheless ‘not really there, very private, secret’ munching several times a day. In many [...]
Twenty plus years ago, when my children were small, we lived in a very remote spot. No shop nearby and I didn’t drive. Fuelling a bingeing eating session can be a bit of a challenge in these circumstances!
And so it was that in those far off days I would regularly bake double batches [...]
Yesterday was wonderful. A happy family occasion with much laughter and fun, a small amount of beer and no thoughts about disordered eating at all. Not that I do in fact THINK about it, per se. It just happens. I did keep my food diary, but it seemed irrelevant. Yet I know that had I [...]
I was the only child of a widowed mother. My mum didn’t like me to have friends round on school nights and so I never really had close friends. I was lonely and bored. I always had my head in a book, I read and reread Little Women and the school girl stories of Angela [...]
